Over that long weekend I bought a little black book so that I could write all our feelings and information in, this book I entitled ‘THE ROAD TO RECOVERY’.
It was to be well used over the following 8 months and this is where I am drawing all my memories from. My reason for doing this now is as an attempt to ‘heal’ myself as I am still stuck in the past, unable to move on.
It is not an easy task that I have set myself as every time I open the book all the memories flood back as though it were yesterday, but I know that I have to do this to try and retain my sanity.
The following, is an extract that Tony’s sister Laurrie wrote, at the time she was only 17 herself and was also very frightened. The only experience that she had of cancer was her Nan dying of it 6 years before.
She was also studying for her GCSE’s and was , like us still worrying about her baby brother as well. Laurrie and Tony had the typical brother/sister relationship , they argued like cat and dog but as soon as the chips were down they stuck together like glue. Here’s what she wrote …
Mr. Spicer arrived at 9 a.m to see Tony and pre-warn him that he may have cancer, Tony was very brave and didn’t cry instead he asked a lot of sensible questions and spent most of the day thinking.
Mr. Spicer was due to visit at 6 p.m and was to be accompanied by a French Consultant called Eric, however, this was not the case and Mr. Spicer arrived on his own at 6.30 p.m.
He briefly explained to Tony that he had B Cell Lymphoma , and that he would need 6 months of chemotherapy , after Mr. Spicer left Eric arrived and had a private word with Mum and David.
As this was happening Tony found a lump under his right arm of which he was concerned about.
Eric and parents returned to explain to Tony the plans for chemotherapy.
Initially Tony explained his fears to Eric who dismissed them and carried on explaining the treatment plan, which confused and frightened Tony.
Eric said that Tony’s treatment would in fact take three and a half months, different to what Mr. Spicer had said. Eric told Tony that it would be advisable to make a sperm sample for storage as treatment could leave him infertile, at this point Tony was still upset and scared about the lump he had found and Eric left leaving him more confused to think things over.
Written by Laurrie
2 comments:
My dearest sadmum/Laurrie, My heart aches for you two. You are so right, reading about it does bring back the instant feelings, but it is a necessary step for the road to recovery. I too did that and can't find my whole year of journals. That will be a major tool for my "Grief Expression" blog I am working on also. The purpose is for a release of the overwhelming devestating feelings that clutter your whole body (like a pressure cooker.) We never get over it and we never forget. The crying sessions do subside. I found that they last a shorter period of time and don't happen as often as in the beginning. The comfort of the Lord was and is my strength to this day and for always! It's been six years for me and the last time I read over my journals, I felt my heart get heavy but I was able to see in writing the distance my journey had take taken my along. Laurrie, I feel you weren't given the acknowledgment you deserve in the loss of your brother. I saw it happen to my other three children. People were hugging me and sending cards etc. but I saw no condolances for the rest of my family. To this day the family is not the same anymore. Besides my son, I miss the family we had together. I'm sorry for talking about me but that is one of the things I learned at all of my grief session I attended. It is okay to talk about how you feel and also have empathy for others. The comfort you try to administer to others always comes back ten- fold. May God Bless and keep you and your whole family safe in His Heart always. lv xx-kisses and oo-hugs.
thinkoffthefat wrote so beautifully. Laurie, I have learned that the siblings have a hard time and don't receive proper acknowledgement or understanding. It has been this way for Mia's brother Sage, who is five. I am delighted that you have a little boy now. I love seeing his cute photos that your mom posts.
Love, Julie
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