Friday

11. My Little Black Book


Over that long weekend I bought a little black book so that I could write all our feelings and information in, this book I entitled ‘THE ROAD TO RECOVERY’.
It was to be well used over the following 8 months and this is where I am drawing all my memories from. My reason for doing this now is as an attempt to ‘heal’ myself as I am still stuck in the past, unable to move on.
It is not an easy task that I have set myself as every time I open the book all the memories flood back as though it were yesterday, but I know that I have to do this to try and retain my sanity.

The following, is an extract that Tony’s sister Laurrie wrote, at the time she was only 17 herself and was also very frightened. The only experience that she had of cancer was her Nan dying of it 6 years before.
She was also studying for her GCSE’s and was , like us still worrying about her baby brother as well. Laurrie and Tony had the typical brother/sister relationship , they argued like cat and dog but as soon as the chips were down they stuck together like glue. Here’s what she wrote …

Mr. Spicer arrived at 9 a.m to see Tony and pre-warn him that he may have cancer, Tony was very brave and didn’t cry instead he asked a lot of sensible questions and spent most of the day thinking.
Mr. Spicer was due to visit at 6 p.m and was to be accompanied by a French Consultant called Eric, however, this was not the case and Mr. Spicer arrived on his own at 6.30 p.m.
He briefly explained to Tony that he had
B Cell Lymphoma , and that he would need 6 months of chemotherapy , after Mr. Spicer left Eric arrived and had a private word with Mum and David.
As this was happening Tony found a lump under his right arm of which he was concerned about.
Eric and parents returned to explain to Tony the plans for chemotherapy.
Initially Tony explained his fears to Eric who dismissed them and carried on explaining the treatment plan, which confused and frightened Tony.
Eric said that Tony’s treatment would in fact take three and a half months, different to what Mr. Spicer had said. Eric told Tony that it would be advisable to make a
sperm sample for storage as treatment could leave him infertile, at this point Tony was still upset and scared about the lump he had found and Eric left leaving him more confused to think things over.
Written by Laurrie