19. A Woman Scorned

Laurrie and James were settled in bed for the night, Tony was in hospital 125 miles away being cared for by David and for the first time in what seemed like an eternity I was able to sit in my own home and reflect over the last 10 months.
I felt as though I was being punished for walking away from a marriage that was slowly destroying us all, more to the point my children were the ones who were suffering…But what would have been the consequences had I of stayed ?
Tony would have still got poorly and then what would have happened, no doubt my ex would have made a great show for the outside world at what a good Dad he was , but no-one truly knew how he had been treating them. Would he have started to talk to Laurrie and Tony ? Had Tony got cancer because of the stress that he put him through? Would James have been safe….Would I have been encouraged to give up my job, and he provide for us instead, so that I could look after my children as a mother should, instead of being the breadwinner that he expected me to be …and how dare he send a card with ‘best wishes from Dad’….he wasn’t his Dad, he gave up that right when he took James from us and lied and lied and lied, and had now taken to sleeping in the same bed as my little vulnerable little boy. Tony’s biological Dad hadn’t been around since he was 2, but this was the man that despite how he treated him, Tony regarded as his father and even took his surname.
So many thoughts reeling through my head, and I knew all the answers…the hatred towards him started to build and build as the evening progressed, I truly wanted to kill him. My little boy was safe in bed upstairs and I had to give him back in the morning. I cannot even begin to put into words how I felt, I was being emotionally ripped apart, I just couldn’t give each of my children the 100% of me that they all needed, wanted and deserved.
And where were MY family when I needed them, 4 sisters who were all mothers themselves and a father shacked up in another country with his new wife. I had one sister who couldn’t do enough and looking back I should have allowed her to do more but because nobody else was forthcoming it didn’t feel right that I should put such a heavy burden on her shoulders, and so all my heartache was passed onto my new partner David.

That evening I wasn’t able to sleep and decided that I couldn’t go back to Bristol without speaking my mind to my ex and passing him back the card as Tony had asked me to do.
I knew that he would be working (in a large electrical store) and that once he saw me he would run, and so I decided that my best option would be to put what I wanted to say in writing so that I could hand it to him if I couldn’t get the chance to talk to him.
I also decided that as his parents were also ‘part of the team’ as the judge had said that they should also be given a piece of my mind. After all this normally feisty little woman that I am, had been unnaturally quiet over the last 10 months so as not to upset James. However the time had come and I just had to do something….
And so all through the night as my children slept , my thoughts were put into writing of what devastation this man and his parents had done to me and my children through their lies and actions.
Tomorrow would my day and come hell or high water nobody or nothing was going to stop me……………..