Thursday

2. What Mum didn't know......

The nightmare had started to unfold but we were blissfully unaware. Having been in privately rented accommodation for 9 months we had been informed that we had been successful in the application for a brand new 3 bed roomed house through a Housing Association. This was fantastic news as it meant security for us as a family and although James was not with us through the week we could start looking towards the future.

All of us were optimistic although I was still deeply concerned about how the separation was affecting the children. I knew how bad I felt at not being able to protect him and I was sure that his siblings felt the same. On our weekend contact James looked really poorly when we picked him up, sores around his mouth and complaining about a sore bum. We made the weekend as pleasant as possible but having to return him back to the unknown on Sunday upset me dreadfully. When I attempted to telephone him during the week his father would not answer, this I attempted every 15 minutes, when he did eventually answer I was told that James was in bed!The following day we received a solicitors letter telling us that we were not allowed to have James for the Christmas holiday....No wonder he wouldn’t answer the phone.

Unbeknown to me Tony went to the doctors on his own accord as he had been having tummy ache. I wasn’t even aware that he had been suffering until after the appointment when he informed me that the doctor said that he had strained muscles from weight training. Something else that I wasn’t aware of was that he was trying to build himself a "six pack". I had been so wrapped up in the court case for James that all of these normal, every day things had gone un-noticed. I still cannot forgive myself for not knowing more about my children’s activities, but I was trying to hold down this high pressured job, new relationship and the main cause for concern the welfare of my estranged 5 year old son.