1. The Months Before the Diagnosis

In February 1997 I left the marital home on a Saturday when my then husband was at work. Three children in tow and no clue to how the future was going to pan out.I had been in a loveless relationship for 7 years and he treated my two elder children (from a previous marriage) with contempt. As he refused to leave I was forced to sleep in the conservatory during the Winter months when it was freezing.Life was hell, I had a very demanding job which sometimes involved driving as much as 300 miles to a client before I even started work. All in all it took its toll on my health and so I took the decision to leave.I had been seeing a "friend" for several months and we decided to go for broke and all move in together.

For the first six weeks life was good, until my ex failed to return my youngest son after a contact period. To cut a very long story short we then ventured on a very lengthy court battle in an attempt to have him returned to us.During this period all my children suffered emotionally as we are a very close family and so the separation was one of the worst periods of our lives, and yet there was more upset just waiting around the corner.......My youngest started to express very serious sexualised behaviour that was alarming for a five yr old, I viewed my concerns to the Authorities, but because we had no disclosure from him, directly to them, we were unable to prove anything.

The British Justice System absolutely stinks sometimes. Although we had drawings etc that proved all was not right ,at home with his father ,we were told that nothing could be done until there was absolute proof.So in October 97 my whole world started to fall apart when the Judge decided that it would be too unsettling for my son to uproot him again, and granted a residence order to my very proficient liar of an ex husband !None of us could believe what had taken place in the court and me personally I felt that I had failed my children as a mother. My natural instinct was to commit murder to ensure my sons safety, but then I still had my other two to protect ....

But tell me how am I supposed to react? How am I supposed to feel? My child is separated from me for what reason? Because I’m a working Mum...............Because I was made an example of. How are you supposed to react when an employee from Social Services is sat crying with you, saying that they know that something is not right, but they cant do anything until your child is harmed!!!!I make no apologies for having that rant and rave, after all these years I am still very bitter and twisted and will NEVER forgive the authorities for the pain that they have caused my family.

As for my ex I have told him I will pay him back one day..........So here we are , you now have a very small snippet of some of the hurt that we had already been through.

Prepare yourselves the roller coaster ride has only just begun.