I was really anxious to see Laurrie and James away from the hospital and be able to explain what was happening to they’re brother. As Laurrie was 17 at that time she fully understood the situation , but how do you explain to your estranged 6 year old son ? …especially under the circumstances.
The Clic Social Worker was fantastic in this area and was able to give me some good sound advice. She provided me with a little book based on the ‘Little Men’ characters and the storyline was about a child who had a tumour. The book was interactive in that James would be able to colour things in and add his own feelings etc.
When I collected James from his fathers house he was sent out to the car on his own, holding a card in his hand. When we arrived home I discovered that the card he had was addressed to Tony at the hospital. When I phoned Tony later that day and told him he asked me to open it….inside was a ‘get well’ card signed from ‘Dad’.
Tony was really upset by this , this was from the man that had the audacity to lie in court about my whole family, Tony included, to enable him to win the residence order for whatever purpose he had in mind. Tony’s reaction was ‘give it back to him Mum and tell him to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine!’
I couldn’t believe that this man was still prepared to hurt my children, he must have known how Tony would have reacted after all what he had done to us, or was it a case of him thinking that because we were facing death that all would be forgiven ? Well he would be given that answer soon, but not today, today was for me James and Laurrie and no-one or nothing was going to upset us anymore.
Today was quality time with my 2 healthy children while David was pampering Tony 125 miles away.
Tuesday
Thursday
17. Time To Summarise
For any new readers please allow me to bring you up to date…
* Left husband with 3 children in tow as he refused to leave the marital home, we just packed up when he was at work and moved into a rented house.
* 6 weeks later my ex refused to return my youngest son (5) after a weekend visit with him, the police would not intervene even though I had a letter from his solicitor promising he would return him. This forced me to take court action, the judge ordered Social Services to write a report but allowed him to keep James with him for the interim. (the older 2 were not his biological children)
* The report was lengthy as during this period James exhibited unexplained sexualised behaviour when he was in my care, which was really alarming. Things were said to both me and his brother and sister which were disturbing and also drawings were done.
* Whilst waiting for our case to come to court we were served an eviction notice as the landlord wanted the house back for his family. We were given temporary accommodation by the local authority while a new house was being built and we would eventually become eligible for.
However this was yet another nail in the coffin of our defence to get James back. It wasn't looking good, I had to give up my 'high powered job' to show 'commitment' said the barrister.
As at that time I was on an extremely good salary I was not entiltled to Legal Aid and had to fund all the legal costs myself which ran into thousands of £s. He on the other hand was entitled, as when we were together I was the breadwinner of the family as he refused to work. Obviously he was then able to employ a barrister from the very beginning as he wasnt paying!!
The irony of it is that I was probably penalised for having a well paid job to support my children because he wouldn't or couldn't......
* When we eventually got back into court 7 months later, as James had made no ‘disclosure’ to an independent witness , the sexualised behaviour was basically ignored and the judge decided that it would be too upsetting to up-root James again, and he should stay with his father during the week and with me at weekends! (Even though Social Services were very concerned , and didn’t want the siblings to be separated)It was surely a case of possession is 9 tenths of the law, although nobody would have the balls to admit that.
* Tony was really upset that the courts wouldn't allow him or his sister to speak up in court as they were considered to be minors. None of the evidence that they provided was taken into account My now small family were trying to adjust without James living with us when Tony was taken ill, it was only a matter of weeks after the courts decision, and this often makes me wonder if the upset and worry helped bring it on…
* My father decided to up-root with his wife and live in Spain just weeks after the court case. Not that he was any support, as since he married Judy whom he met within weeks of Mum dying and getting married 4 months later we had little contact with him.
* Tony was admitted to hospital for what they thought was Hepatitis , but sadly turned out to be cancer, he was 15 years of age ..
* So here we were , days before Christmas , 125 miles from home in a hospital. Tony about to commence chemotherapy, Laurrie trying to study for exams and James living with his father against my wishes.
So there we are dear readers, are you ready for some more?
* Left husband with 3 children in tow as he refused to leave the marital home, we just packed up when he was at work and moved into a rented house.
* 6 weeks later my ex refused to return my youngest son (5) after a weekend visit with him, the police would not intervene even though I had a letter from his solicitor promising he would return him. This forced me to take court action, the judge ordered Social Services to write a report but allowed him to keep James with him for the interim. (the older 2 were not his biological children)
* The report was lengthy as during this period James exhibited unexplained sexualised behaviour when he was in my care, which was really alarming. Things were said to both me and his brother and sister which were disturbing and also drawings were done.
* Whilst waiting for our case to come to court we were served an eviction notice as the landlord wanted the house back for his family. We were given temporary accommodation by the local authority while a new house was being built and we would eventually become eligible for.
However this was yet another nail in the coffin of our defence to get James back. It wasn't looking good, I had to give up my 'high powered job' to show 'commitment' said the barrister.
As at that time I was on an extremely good salary I was not entiltled to Legal Aid and had to fund all the legal costs myself which ran into thousands of £s. He on the other hand was entitled, as when we were together I was the breadwinner of the family as he refused to work. Obviously he was then able to employ a barrister from the very beginning as he wasnt paying!!
The irony of it is that I was probably penalised for having a well paid job to support my children because he wouldn't or couldn't......
* When we eventually got back into court 7 months later, as James had made no ‘disclosure’ to an independent witness , the sexualised behaviour was basically ignored and the judge decided that it would be too upsetting to up-root James again, and he should stay with his father during the week and with me at weekends! (Even though Social Services were very concerned , and didn’t want the siblings to be separated)It was surely a case of possession is 9 tenths of the law, although nobody would have the balls to admit that.
* Tony was really upset that the courts wouldn't allow him or his sister to speak up in court as they were considered to be minors. None of the evidence that they provided was taken into account My now small family were trying to adjust without James living with us when Tony was taken ill, it was only a matter of weeks after the courts decision, and this often makes me wonder if the upset and worry helped bring it on…
* My father decided to up-root with his wife and live in Spain just weeks after the court case. Not that he was any support, as since he married Judy whom he met within weeks of Mum dying and getting married 4 months later we had little contact with him.
* Tony was admitted to hospital for what they thought was Hepatitis , but sadly turned out to be cancer, he was 15 years of age ..
* So here we were , days before Christmas , 125 miles from home in a hospital. Tony about to commence chemotherapy, Laurrie trying to study for exams and James living with his father against my wishes.
So there we are dear readers, are you ready for some more?
Monday
16. The Sperm Bank
So here we were one little 15 year old boy suddenly changed by having his hair shaved off and evolving into a young man…..
After a lot of tears with laughter following the head shaving event it was nearly time for us to travel to Southmead Hospital for a sample of sperm to be stored.
Sounds easy enough doesn’t it, but remember we are talking about a young lad who had only recently been going through puberty…
It was only a couple of hours before we were due to depart that we were informed that the ‘controlled’ circumstances would be him put into a room on his own to ‘get on with it’!!
The whole ward was filled with laughter as all the adults knew where he was going and as you can imagine the air was blue with hidden innuendoes.
The Ambulance crew arrived to take us and the female attendant was an extremely large lady who towered over my 5ft frame. When I told her why we were going to Southmead she made the driver stop on a main road and told me that I had to go in to buy him some ‘reading material’ to help him along.
How embarrassing….there I was 5 feet nothing trying to reach the top shelf to buy a dirty magazine for my 15 year old son, and then even more embarrassed when trying to explain to the shopkeeper ,who had to get one down for me, that it was medical purposes… ‘yeah as if ’ he must have thought!
On arrival we were given a talk as to the reasons why this was to be done and consent was given, Tony was given a little pot and escorted to an office …’No way’ I screamed you cant expect him to do it here. This was the ‘controlled area’, eventually it was agreed he would go to the Gents to do it.
I sat outside waiting for about 15 minutes making small talk with the receptionist worrying that he wouldn’t be able to ‘perform’ his task when out he came.
When later we spoke about it he said ‘Yeah it was fine, I was squeezing spots for 10 minutes’ !!!
The mind boggles …He was going to miss so much in life.
Back to Bristol Children’s Hospital where David travelled back up to stay overnight with Tony and give me a chance to go home. I was to return the 125 miles to spend the following day with James, this was to be the first time of seeing him since his brother was taken ill and the only time I would get to see him before Christmas.
I was so angry, so hurt, absolutely boiling with rage, so many emotions .Was it not enough that I had a son with cancer to deal with ? Now I had to put the other calm head on my shoulders for James, the other son who was living with his father and showing unexplained sexualised behaviour at the age of 6.
Angry doesn’t even come close, I was ready to murder and if I never had so much to lose I probably would have !!!
Who said being a grown up was fun …when we are kids we cant wait for the day that we are totally independent…if only we knew.
After a lot of tears with laughter following the head shaving event it was nearly time for us to travel to Southmead Hospital for a sample of sperm to be stored.
Sounds easy enough doesn’t it, but remember we are talking about a young lad who had only recently been going through puberty…
It was only a couple of hours before we were due to depart that we were informed that the ‘controlled’ circumstances would be him put into a room on his own to ‘get on with it’!!
The whole ward was filled with laughter as all the adults knew where he was going and as you can imagine the air was blue with hidden innuendoes.
The Ambulance crew arrived to take us and the female attendant was an extremely large lady who towered over my 5ft frame. When I told her why we were going to Southmead she made the driver stop on a main road and told me that I had to go in to buy him some ‘reading material’ to help him along.
How embarrassing….there I was 5 feet nothing trying to reach the top shelf to buy a dirty magazine for my 15 year old son, and then even more embarrassed when trying to explain to the shopkeeper ,who had to get one down for me, that it was medical purposes… ‘yeah as if ’ he must have thought!
On arrival we were given a talk as to the reasons why this was to be done and consent was given, Tony was given a little pot and escorted to an office …’No way’ I screamed you cant expect him to do it here. This was the ‘controlled area’, eventually it was agreed he would go to the Gents to do it.
I sat outside waiting for about 15 minutes making small talk with the receptionist worrying that he wouldn’t be able to ‘perform’ his task when out he came.
When later we spoke about it he said ‘Yeah it was fine, I was squeezing spots for 10 minutes’ !!!
The mind boggles …He was going to miss so much in life.
Back to Bristol Children’s Hospital where David travelled back up to stay overnight with Tony and give me a chance to go home. I was to return the 125 miles to spend the following day with James, this was to be the first time of seeing him since his brother was taken ill and the only time I would get to see him before Christmas.
I was so angry, so hurt, absolutely boiling with rage, so many emotions .Was it not enough that I had a son with cancer to deal with ? Now I had to put the other calm head on my shoulders for James, the other son who was living with his father and showing unexplained sexualised behaviour at the age of 6.
Angry doesn’t even come close, I was ready to murder and if I never had so much to lose I probably would have !!!
Who said being a grown up was fun …when we are kids we cant wait for the day that we are totally independent…if only we knew.
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