tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-189114732011-11-27T23:14:01.351ZThis is a glimpse into the grief and pain of a Mum who had to watch her young son attempt to win a battle against cancer...and sadly lose.The intention of this blog is to enable the world to read about how hard I tried to hold my family together. For there is no greater love than that between mother and child, only a mother who has lost will understand fully the grief that is felt every minute of every day.unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.comBlogger251100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-40421483091105128602011-03-13T12:40:00.009Z2011-03-13T13:21:23.463Z

Cancer. The word alone is enough to cause a sliver of the churning grief, fear, and agony that millions deal with yearly across the world. With cancers ranging from mesothelioma, caused by exposure to asbestos, to leukemia, largely genetic in origin, it can seem as though nearly everything these days is a cancer –causing agent. Furthermore, the symptoms of some cancers can be dormant for decades;

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-54374367982509420902007-07-17T22:26:00.000+01:002008-12-09T09:34:15.609Z

Everybody else is preparing for the festivities, a very strange feeling because that would normally be us....What we didn't know was that this was to be our last ever Christmas together ,and what a way to spend it.Tony was given a lumber punch and the 'Red' drug,on return from theatre we were told that he had everybody laughing because of his humour, he had apparently told the nurses that he was

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1159370585055440062006-09-27T16:23:00.000+01:002008-12-09T09:34:15.937Z

Tony was started on Copadin 1, this was the first of five days of chemotherapy. He was very chirpy all day , and even though he was on a drip it never stopped him from messing around. I couldn't keep up with his appetite, he was eating like mad and couldn't seem to get enough food, probably a side effect of the steroids that he was now taking. So far so good, no sickness and apart from having to

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1155508292831987812006-08-13T23:30:00.000+01:002006-09-27T16:06:20.323+01:00

Today was preparation day for the start of COPADM 1, in other words the start of the intrusive chemotherapy.He had to endure scans and an echo of his heart to ensure he was well enough to start this gruelling treatment., tests revealed that his platelet count was low and this sadly gave him a bad headache.I was staying in a house close by provided by a charity called CLIC (Cancer and leukaemia

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1155415305615085142006-08-12T21:40:00.000+01:002006-08-12T21:56:44.096+01:00

SundayWith the letter compiled, full of the emotions that I was feeling towards this man and his family, off I set determined to seek some sort of ‘revenge’ albeit only a fraction of what I really wanted to do.The previous night I had stayed up all evening planning how I was going to ensure that this piece of filth would not get away without me having my say.I had arranged to pick up my sister as

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1151234782369546342006-06-25T12:24:00.000+01:002006-07-02T14:09:16.440+01:00

Laurrie and James were settled in bed for the night, Tony was in hospital 125 miles away being cared for by David and for the first time in what seemed like an eternity I was able to sit in my own home and reflect over the last 10 months.I felt as though I was being punished for walking away from a marriage that was slowly destroying us all, more to the point my children were the ones who were

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1149002785389056412006-05-30T16:25:00.000+01:002006-05-30T16:29:26.786+01:00

I was really anxious to see Laurrie and James away from the hospital and be able to explain what was happening to they’re brother. As Laurrie was 17 at that time she fully understood the situation , but how do you explain to your estranged 6 year old son ? …especially under the circumstances.The Clic Social Worker was fantastic in this area and was able to give me some good sound advice. She

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1148575767927539552006-05-25T17:48:00.000+01:002006-05-29T15:16:34.446+01:00

For any new readers please allow me to bring you up to date…* Left husband with 3 children in tow as he refused to leave the marital home, we just packed up when he was at work and moved into a rented house.* 6 weeks later my ex refused to return my youngest son (5) after a weekend visit with him, the police would not intervene even though I had a letter from his solicitor promising he would

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1147699739587978772006-05-15T14:26:00.000+01:002006-05-15T14:34:15.720+01:00

So here we were one little 15 year old boy suddenly changed by having his hair shaved off and evolving into a young man…..After a lot of tears with laughter following the head shaving event it was nearly time for us to travel to Southmead Hospital for a sample of sperm to be stored.Sounds easy enough doesn’t it, but remember we are talking about a young lad who had only recently been going

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1146233179246287532006-04-28T14:55:00.000+01:002006-04-29T13:59:36.266+01:00

Today was truly a day of mixed emotions lots of tears, with sadness, anger and thankfully laughter, yes laughter something that had been non-existent in ages.We were told that the type of cancer that Tony had, that following treatment he would have a 95% success rate of surviving. With such a high percentage everyone was filled with optimism that he could beat this.We were given a choice in

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1145724072045601672006-04-22T17:41:00.000+01:002006-04-28T13:41:17.043+01:00

The following few days there was a lot of improvement in how Tony felt as he was virtually pain free due to the morphine. This obviously helped a lot with his general mood as well, and he had the attitude of 'Hurry up and get on with what needs to be done, I want to get out of here'Laurrie had stayed in Bristol with me, and David returned back home to work. The days were spent trying to keep Tony

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1145287419102313522006-04-17T16:11:00.000+01:002006-04-23T11:55:43.066+01:00

This post is a summary of my past to give you all a little insight into my background. It will also enforce in me the reasons why I am writing this.As I have said in previous posts I am not an author I am just an ordinary Mum and therefore my writing maybe a little confusing for some. It is a roller coaster ride for me, as my life has been. I hope you will stay for the duration as it is my aim to

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1144860616933349562006-04-12T17:45:00.000+01:002006-04-23T11:54:21.226+01:00

We were sharing the house provided by Clic with a family from Greece, their son had been in Bristol Children’s Hospital for months with a brain tumour.They had come over to the UK as a last resort, it must have been awfully hard for them as they had left a young daughter behind and the Mum never spoke any English at all. Most of the time she stayed at the house cleaning, that was her way of

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1144418465623770552006-04-07T14:54:00.000+01:002006-04-23T11:53:04.866+01:00

Over that long weekend I bought a little black book so that I could write all our feelings and information in, this book I entitled ‘THE ROAD TO RECOVERY’.It was to be well used over the following 8 months and this is where I am drawing all my memories from. My reason for doing this now is as an attempt to ‘heal’ myself as I am still stuck in the past, unable to move on.It is not an easy task

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1143719292164134622006-03-30T12:40:00.000+01:002006-04-28T13:26:13.020+01:00

Opposite the hospital was a public phone box which faced directly to where my darling son lay fighting for his life …this was where I made my longed for calls to James. It was on this day that, when I phoned, he said that his Dad wanted to speak to me ,I was totally not prepared. The sound of his voice filled me with anger as he asked how Tony was ……My reply was ,and I quote “How dare you, you

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1143039190066058842006-03-22T14:48:00.000Z2006-04-23T11:52:11.640+01:00

After a very restless night Tony was eventually made comfortable as the dosage for the epidural was increased making him virtually pain free.Unfortunately though he was now having trouble with ‘weeing’ and had to have a catheter fitted. Not very nice for a 15 year old to endure, especially when all that surrounded him and the other patients was a curtain. Still he was brave and it also helped him

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1142439505023371312006-03-15T16:14:00.000Z2006-04-23T11:51:09.583+01:00

He’s in so much pain today, an intravenous drip of morphine was given but had little effect .They prepare for surgery but as he had a bad night he is really tired, scared and very irritable.To have to leave him at the theatre door was such a wrench, I’m so frightened but have to hold it together after all we still haven’t been told officially…maybe they’ve got it wrong….maybe Tony was right ,it

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1141220742263486362006-03-01T13:41:00.000Z2006-04-03T14:43:54.560+01:00

On arrival at the hospital Tony was just coming out of the bathroom, I can see him in my mind now. His skin was a ghastly mix of yellow and grey, he was in horrendous pain and tried his best to look the brave young man that he was.While waiting for the ambulance to take us to Bristol he had to make several trips to the bathroom to vomit. This ‘disease’ was taking a grip so fast it was frightening

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1140651502099429952006-02-22T23:38:00.000Z2006-04-23T11:50:02.423+01:00

Tuesday 9th DecemberAfter another sleepless night , I returned to the hospital to find Tony in a lot more pain than he had been since this all started.We were told by the doctor that they were now sure that it was not Hepatitis but they still could not give a diagnosis at this stage. So the day dragged on until he was due to have his CT Scan at 3.30p.m. by which time the pain was getting worse by

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1136293081273160722006-01-03T12:56:00.000Z2006-04-23T11:48:57.850+01:00

I returned to the hospital on the Monday morning to find that they had sent Tony for an Ultra Sound Scan before I arrived, I was a little upset that this had taken place before I arrived but this is hospital and I had not yet become accustomed to the fact that they work 24/7.Tony told me that the scan had shown up a shadow on his liver, that’s when the alarm bells rang loud and clear !All

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1132766616196529792005-11-23T17:21:00.000Z2006-04-23T11:47:55.056+01:00

The following day after taking the antibiotics Tony was experiencing pain in his tummy that kept coming and going, but again because it was a Saturday he insisted he was OK and went out with his mates.On Sunday morning things however took a turn for the worse and he admitted to me that he had been vomiting the night before. At this time I had no reason to think it was serious and thought there

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1132336186430978302005-11-18T17:28:00.000Z2006-04-23T11:46:54.590+01:00

Whilst we were all excited at the prospect of being settled in a new home both the boys were not well.We had been granted access with James for every weekend and half of all holidays, although this in effect was shared residence it didn’t compensate the fact that we were separated as a family.To make matters worse we were contacted the police as my ex had complained that my partner had threatened

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1132254911519767492005-11-17T18:57:00.000Z2006-04-23T11:45:49.036+01:00

The nightmare had started to unfold but we were blissfully unaware. Having been in privately rented accommodation for 9 months we had been informed that we had been successful in the application for a brand new 3 bed roomed house through a Housing Association. This was fantastic news as it meant security for us as a family and although James was not with us through the week we could start looking

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1132069495299983212005-11-15T15:06:00.000Z2006-04-23T11:44:35.226+01:00

In February 1997 I left the marital home on a Saturday when my then husband was at work. Three children in tow and no clue to how the future was going to pan out.I had been in a loveless relationship for 7 years and he treated my two elder children (from a previous marriage) with contempt. As he refused to leave I was forced to sleep in the conservatory during the Winter months when it was

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911473.post-1131844695512744552005-11-13T01:02:00.000Z2006-09-17T14:28:14.790+01:00

The Memories From A Mother Who Watched Her Son Die This may not appeal to everyone but I need to write my accounts of the months from beginning, to end ,of having to watch my young son fight and lose his battle against cancer. It seems that many families that go through this horrific experience also have something else just as tragic going on in their lives, and sadly we were no exception. For

unstableladyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04978714221416116459noreply@blogger.com5